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04, 2006
Journalist Moms
If it had not been for the birth of my son, I would still be working as a Singapore journalist, seeking adrenaline highs every day from sniffing out scandals and beating heart-thumping deadlines.
But it wasn't hard for me to make the choice to quit a career I loved, an emotional heart-driven choice I literally made overnight.
At the time I left, there were few journalist moms at my workplace. Definitely less than five. Majority of the experienced women journalists - some of whom had been at the company for ten years or more - were childless, divorced or single. (The irony of the situation was not lost when we were covering a series of stories on How To Get Singapore Women To Marry and Conceive. Here in the newsroom, stories were being churned out urging women to get pregnant by women who made the choice not to)
But I didn't quit due to a lack of role models, nor did I quit due to any outright discrimination on my employer's part.
Although discrimination against mothers exists in Singapore - I know for a fact as I have interviewed women who were unfairly fired just before they gave birth so the company can save on paying them while they are on maternity leave - my employers were eager to welcome me back.
The problem was, while there was nothing driving me away, as a new mom, I could not work at the same level I was expected to. That meant putting in 12-hour days, putting in time after work to cultivate contacts, always fretting about my stories in my mind even when I went to sleep, basically selling myself to the job.
Because I had a child, I wanted concessions which I did not think the company would be ready to grant. Flexible working hours, being able to leave before my stories were fully cleared, understanding bosses who would understand the needs of a mother. In that sense, I wanted preferential treatment. Reverse discrimination, if you call it. Treat me and all moms nicely.
I quit because I thought that would be asking for too much. And the culture (workplace and Singapore society) was not ready to grant those priviledges to journalist moms, all working moms for that matter.
In one small (but to me very telling) instance, some journalists wrote a petition to the management outlining a wishlist of items, including a designated room for nursing mothers to pump out their breastmilk. Every item on the wishlist was either explained away so nothing was done, or outrightly turned down (moms were told to use the meeting rooms to pump out breastmilk, only problem is people have been known to burst in while the mom is pumping away).
I have been freelancing for over a year now and I do not expect things to change. If I go back, it will not to be to make my demands known, but it will be when my children are of age and I am ready to face the demands of my company once more.
Posted by Shermaine at 4, 2006 06:22
Comments
Hi Shermaine and many thanks for your insight!
I think this "self-discrimination" is interesting.. sorry for the negative term.. but it does not imply any negative value! ... you can think of it as an "excess" of honesty towards your employer and your "mission", and yourself/your family as well.. I think it is a wonderful thing!
But it makes me think that often moms feel "guilty" about needing a preferential treatment... like if they were asking too much. While the preferential treatment is simply a right.. although I know journalism is a quite demanding job.. you cannot be a "50%-journalist". So my question is: what makes moms feel "guilty"?
Posted by: Stefania at 6, 2006 04:20
Interesting that you consider preferential treatment a right! I did think about whether it is something I should be entitled to.
The argument: Men and women were NOT created equal when it comes to childbearing and therefore, I should NOT demand more of myself in trying to be the equal of a man (in putting in the same hours / dedication of a job even with a child) Concessions are due to me!
So why do I feel guilty? For one, there are few moms and many women around me were working their butts off. Try explaining that your child is already home from school and he needs your attention and the reaction from most colleagues will be: Why can't he be more independent?
Posted by: shermaine at 7, 2006 08:08
I can perfectly imagine the scene.. :(
but my point is: we women do not have to "be equal at all costs"! this is an important point, I think. We are different from men, as you said. We cannot expect from ourselves/demand ourselves to forget that difference... while it seems the first ones to forget about that are often female colleagues... whast do think about that?
Posted by: Stefania at 7, 2006 05:31